How Long Has It Been?

How long has it been? 
I can remember very little about your face. I can still feel your hand on mine, but no more can I see the way your smile outlines your eyes. No more can I pick you from a crowd. There are thousands of faces, blurred beyond recognition. 
These walls don't even feel the same anymore. They once confined me and kept me warm. They are now cold and scarce. Only holes remain where your picture once hung. Your memory seems to be split and fractured like the floor before me. To the end of the world I followed you; To the end of the world I could never get enough. We stood together on the edge of oblivion and took back the darkness.  
There was a day years ago that robbed me of that. There was an incident that took my ability to express myself as if I were drowning on land. I do not feel the same as I once was. I do not feel a confident writer. Your figure seems to mellow and not be the demanding woman you once were. You, who picked me up, dusted me off, and handed me an…

Just a Beautiful Dream

I open my eyes to find myself on the bed, staring at the ceiling, which only the moon softly illuminates. I wake only because something asked me to; I wake only because the night whispered to me. Not startled or alert, I am calm. But I sadly am awake. 
I remember only pieces; fragments. I try to close my eyes, but only darkness surrounds me. I have fleeting memories of battles, I've never had. I have sections of my memory, faded and out-of-focus. It's a half-remembered dream. The darkness plays tricks on me. I try to focus, but nothing. 
Suddenly flashes of a figure dance. A silhouette of a woman, who seems familiar, comes into focus; back lit to the point of masking her identity. I try to focus again, but the darkness consumes her. Just as her mouth begins to open, she is ripped away into the void. I become frozen-still. 
I open my eyes again. "A trick", I think to myself. I stare into the ceiling as if i'm expecting her face just to form from the plaster and let m…

Just Another Reason To Fight

Just like a nightmare unfolds, I try to find a way to express my self. But at last, the girl I've been chasing becomes just a dusty shadow of hope. This bright beautiful woman, turns to be just another faded memory.

How do I find a way to apologize? How do I know where to nod my head and where the beg forgiveness? I've found myself at a crossroads at life, and as long as you've been gone, I've begged for a reason to know why you left me in the first place. But when you arrived, like some shining example of what the world could become, you weren't the one I thought you were. You have emotions like a light switch and can make me disappear from your memory with the clap of a hand. Just understand that, once the candle is out, there is no relighting it.

I held you up, like a perfect being, and yet I was the one being played. You were just a wax figure of an emotional train wreck. You couldn't handle yourself, and thought I was your savior, but even as you sit there …


Do you think that we are here? Or are we just a distant, faded memory of a life once lived? We try so hard to believe that the end is not here when in fact it might have already happened. Just a world stuck. Not constant spinning, but instead more like a broken record or a treadmill... Constantly moving but never evolving. We are already dead. Not so much like the Emily Dickinson version, but perhaps more like some sort of overlapping déjà vu. 

I believe in a life that seems real, matrix at times, but almost perfect with a slight drop of bullshit. I believe we die a thousand times a day and we are seamlessly moved to a different place. A strange concept and an even harder one to accept, i'm sure. But if you stop and think about all the near death experiences you personally have come by, you start to wonder if they really were NEAR-MISSES. 

Separate yourself from what you believe is reality and imagine there's a billion realities, just like this, following each-other like a mirro…

Dreams... Just Dreams...

Why Does the wind blow? To cover the tracks where we have been so that no one will know we still exist

I woke up this morning (or at least I thought I did), to the slight memory of a dream. A dream in which we again stood together, side by side. We stared into a crowd and even out-numbered we didn't even feel the slightest bit alone. Torn clothing and sore muscles; we begin to re-ignite. It's already been a long battle, but you and I have come to know terror and never accept defeat. Each night, we claw closer and hold the line. We are unstoppable. Each Night, I close my eyes to see your face, to hear you scream, and to watch the end of the world all over again. 

I continue to believe that my dreams are more than they seem. I've felt strongly about joining you there. Together we can survive forever, lapse away and wake up decades from now and start life all over; get a second shot to do the things we were never meant to do. We can always wake up (right?). 

I see you there, lik…

Tonight. We Fight.

"Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free."

-Jim Morrison

So what happens when the world spins with furious anger and the stars fall from the sky like a pack of diamonds. So beautifully bright and yet so irrationally destructive. We will be the last on this earth to see the sun rise. We will be the last on this great planet to see the world break apart and watch as they rise from the ashes and claim the world for one last step into anger and pain. One last way to disrespect the whole ideal of life. 
For there will always be the one-mysterious-shadow bathed in a light much like the falling stars. I awake every night and dream. My eyes grow tiresome and my heart beats fast, as I slip away into the shadows. In this world, I call it my own; in this world, I call HER my own. But making such and assumption is not only dangerous, but presumptuous. She is just as I've described (a thousand times)…


"Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe."-Voltaire
Think of a fireball, barreling out of control, a million miles an hour and just pretend it's on a collision course for you. A mile a way and closing, gently close your eyes and relax. Take a deep breath, but don't hold it in. Let the sky fall on top of your shoulders and let the world sneak inside your lungs. Open your eyes and see the fireball is not only out of flame, but frozen directly in front of you. Reach out and touch it and feel the death piercing inside of your fingertips. This is the first and perhaps last time you get to play god.

Determine for yourself which direction to take this from here, and you'll find a new way to venture further on past the light and deeper into yourself. You are the maker of your own destiny and yet you can't seem to get the noise out of your head. Play the super hero all you want, but at the end of the day, you find yourself clinging t…